typical boy, typical girl: a long postscript

during last saturday's dinner with the girls, one interesting issue we talked about was how boys only make telebabad when they're courting a girl. although this was brought up by a friend, i had my fair share of this enough to write about it. i do hope, though, that my friend's boyfriend doesn't read this entry or think i'm not referring to him. boys are dense anyway, so i'm taking the chance that he doesn't know he's become one of those boys.

so this friend of mine says her boyfriend doesn't want to talk on the phone for a long time anymore, whereas when he was still courting her, it really wasn't an issue at all. i remember how boys amazingly match my ability to stay on the phone for hours, even way into the wee hours of the morning. conversations were usually about anything and everything, with a couple of paramdams on the side. an ex-boyfriend of mine was, and still is, a health buff who takes sleep rather seriously. but when we were in the getting-to-know-you stage, he transformed into this night owl so much so that whenever i asked him if he was already getting sleepy, he'd be quick to say, "no! not at all" hahaha...as if!!! i knew on the inside he was probably doing all the self-talk he could to stay awake. ah....what boys do to impress their girls!!!

and that was how it all went throughout that stage. it's funny because whenever i told any of his friends how late we stayed up talking on the phone, they were beyond bewildered!!! they just couldn't believe it. i understood their bewilderment when we finally hooked up. it wasn't long until he began cutting short our conversations, even way before 11pm. i really wasn't bothered because i also had school at that time. but there was this instance wherein he slept the whole afternoon away (and i mean the whole afternoon) yet he still wanted to sleep at 10pm. i didn't think it was humanly possible to sleep the entire afternoon away and then actually be sleepy a few hours after. so the girl that i was, and still am, i kind of made a big deal out of that small thing. BIG mistake! he launched into this whole tirade about me making such a big fuss out of his sleeping habits. amazing. amazing because we broke up a few days after that. although i do think there was more to it than just about his sleeping habits...hehehehe

looking back, it was pretty funny (although i didn't think it was funny at that time). i thought it was just exclusive to me and my ex but hearing a friend of mine talk about her present situation, i'm beginning to realize that this might be more prevalent than i thought.

my sweetheart of a boyfriend now isn't really an exception to the rule or to this 'epidemic' (oh goodness, if and when he reads this, i'm in for a long discussion...hahahahaha) you see, back in december, when we were in our own getting-to-know-you stage, we'd spend hours on the phone, too. i remember one time, we even ended up talking way past 5am. and just recently, i was teasing him about a text message i got from him way back when we started dating that said, "text me if you're not yet sleepy." we ended up laughing about it because we both knew i wasn't going to get that ever again!!! i told him i should've saved it for posterity. i should've!

because just this night, he comes home at 10pm and i call him up at around 1030pm, hoping for a little talk before he goes to sleep, and what happens? his cordless is about to die on him, and he sounds to me so sleepy it's as if he's drunk. and this, my friends, is the 3rd day in a row i haven't seen him. i'm not going to see him tomorrow either because he's off to a dinner party which i'm not going to (i don't even want to go into why i'm not going). so in short, i get a little frustrated that time is not on our side, the stress is getting to him, blah blah blah...and now i end up a little weirded out because on one hand, i feel guilty about not being the sweet girlfriend that i usually am saying things like, "oh, i know you had a rough day at work...why don't you sleep na and i'll talk to you tom nalang...goodnight!" or something like that. on the other hand, i feel a little put out because i'm not going to see him tomorrow when i could have had that chance. so i ended up sounding suplada (although that wasn't really my intention, believe me) saying something like this, "edi you sleep na!" and he, in his sleepiness, grunts something that sounded like an uh-huh to me. so i said, "ok" and immediately hung up the phone. total time on the phone? 3 minutes. not the romantic little talk i was hoping for. but hey, it's better than no talk at all. i, for one, appreciate the effort.

so this whole thing about boys and telebabad, i think i've got it a little mapped out. if he's burning the phone lines with you, he could be one of two things: one, he's courting you, or two, he's gay.

you see, boys who are interested in you will do anything to get to know you. they will endure whatever it is that makes you happy like shopping (and by this i mean walking aimlessly in the mall without buying anything at all), and telebabad. so when you guys hook up and officially become a couple, he thinks he's got you figured out enough to save him from that dreaded telebabad. he's already secure that he has you to understand the quirks of being a guy involved in a relationship.

in my case, it has become pretty ironic. when a guy is making moves on me, i never miss my favorite show for a conversation with him. case in point: i was in the middle of a conversation with a guy when i looked at my clock which read 9pm. it was time for charmed. so i butt in, tell him i have to watch the show, and that if he still wants to talk, i'd be available in an hour. i wasn't about to budge. that is how full of conviction i am when i'm not even the least bit interested in a guy. but with my boyfriend right now, when he calls me up at night, and i'm watching a show i really like, i turn it off to talk to him. we don't stay up and talk the night away anymore, but i do want to give him my full attention.

moreover, i've come to realize that somehow, the tables have turned. for during the time that my boyfriend was pulling out all the stops to make his intentions known, he put off a lot of things such as gimiks with the barkada, badminton games, golf-watching, etc. now, he's back in the thick of things with his barkada, in full gear during badminton nights and gets enough time to watch golf. i, on the other hand, have turned down a few invitations from high school friends, from my mom, etc. to spend time with my man. isn't that interesting?

i'm not complaining, though. no, really. i'm not.

my bestfriend ve says the three of us (in our barkada, that is) are really like this. meaning, when we have boyfriends, everything else takes a back seat. and i mean, everything. healthy or not, that is what happens, or should i say, what we allow to happen. but hey, that's where our happiness thrives--to be with our men and to make them happy. they really become our first priority. so you can just imagine how miserable we are when things don't work out. miserable doesn't even do us justice.

but in any case, i understand where my friend is coming from. i think what matters here is to know where you stand in your man's life, to know your place. girls can't push their boyfriends to spend long hours on the phone. it just isn't how they are. as for me, i don't resent anything that has happened in this relationship of mine, not even the fact that we don't make telebabad as often as before or that we don't see each other as often as before. because i think, if i made such a big fuss out of all these, i'd be missing out on the stuff that really matters like how he still gives me a call from the office whenever time permits him to, or how he still manages to text me every night when he gets home even if he's very sleepy that he gets the spelling all mixed up.

women will always notice the difference in a guy's behavior because it's very easy to point out. what's difficult is for women to either get past it and make adjustments or say enough is enough.

i've noticed changes in my relationship with my boyfriend but i'm not complaining because i didn't expect this to be a perfect relationship to begin with. every day is a work in progress to reach that middle ground where the two of us are happy and satisfied. i don't feel like there's lesser love than before just because there's lesser attention. on the contrary, i feel that there's more love because there's more faith--he trusts that i can understand him given all his concerns, and i trust that he's made me a significant part of his life.

ours may be far from being a perfect relationship but whenever we spend time together and laugh about ourselves, or just about anything, make tampo then make up afterwards, i think to myself that i really couldn't ask for more. not even one lousy telebabad session.