marriage: here's what i think

i got to chat with boom tonight, and as usual, it turned into one of those deep, serious conversations we used to share in the past.

we talked about the whole concept of marriage, how it seems so real now, so within reach. he said a lot of his cousins were getting married and he was almost the only one left. we talked about not being established enough to earn the right and the privilege to even think of getting married. i told him it saddened me to think of how people end up in unhappy marriages when in fact they started out with so much promise. it's like you can never be really certain of anything, not even the possibility of forever-in-love. you may be happy now and think that this is the best thing that's happening in your life, but then 10 years down the road you may be thinking, "i want out!" boom said he was more afraid than sad...and yes, it really is so displacing to be confronted with the reality that you can never be so sure. i got a card years ago with a line that goes, "the moment of absolute certainty never arrives." so true, i guess...

that is why i think love has to be nurtured, relationships continuously cultivated. i told boom that a lot of us aspire to have happy marriages in the future but without really fully grasping the idea that a marriage is a day-to-day labor of love. there has to be a conscious effort to make it work, to accept that you've committed yourself not only to the good days but also, and more essentially, to the bad days. i remember my theology teacher saying that when you say, "i do" in your marriage vows, you are saying that while you accept your partner as you know him/her, you are also saying "yes, i accept" to everything else that you do not yet know about him/her, things you might not even like.

i told boom it was like being thrown into a vast unknown, with only your faith to guide you. and this is probably faith in love, faith in each other, and faith in the possibility of finding your own sense of forever as a couple. maybe people are right when they say love isn't enough to make a marriage work, but i think it is enough to make you take risks, take chances and eventually persevere in striving for that attainable, albeit elusive, happy marriage.

i probably don't know anything about marriage, much less making it work, but i do think if spouses believe in a successful marriage, and they live to make it real, and accept everything that goes with such an undertaking, then that passion, that drive will see them through.

but then again, that's only what i think.