me, you, and us

i've recently been reading a book i got from a priest 2 years ago. the book, entitled "Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know?" didn't appeal to me at age 20 since it claims to be the book you should read before you get married and at that time, the whole marriage thing was the least of my concerns. but now...well, let's just say a lot can change in a span of 2 years...

according to the book, there are 14 clues to help you assess whether it's real love or infatuation and when i was reading the 11th clue ("How do you feel about and refer to your relationship?"), i began thinking about how wonderful it is to find someone you can easily mesh with. it's like finding the perfect shade of lipstick, or the perfect jeans, or the perfect job for the kind of person you are. a semester of philosophy is enough for me to know that the famous, "You complete me," line may sound romantic, but is truly pathetic, and this chapter speaks of a certain oneness that doesn't obliterate the "me" and the "you" in the "us". there's a part that goes,

there results a strong feeling of oneness; each person feels fully
accepted, protected and secure. they are still unique, separate
persons, but they merge themselves into a pattern of common
bonds. in this sense they have become, "unselfed."

i guess this is why in some barkadas, if two people become romantically involved, they become a "packaged deal" such that if one doesn't attend a gimik, it's almost always the case that the other also does not attend. but i think there really is a time, especially in the beginning of a relationship that the world seems to close in on just the two of you. and then, when you both get down from cloud 9 and return to reality, they become (hopefully) more involved in the world that has just gotten bigger for the two of them. now, they get to meet the friends and family of the other person, making them more a part of the other person's life. this is, perhaps, where sharing in another's life comes in. while they used to enjoy doing things as singles, they now find a new joy in being able to share those things with their SOs. and for me, that is really quite romantic.

my first relevant glimpse into this was on a bright february sunday after my birthday when i joined my boyfriend as he ran his usual errands. so we had lunch at marina in jupiter, then had coffee at starbucks, did some groceries at shopwise, then heard mass at st. andrew's, went to the laundry shop then had a light dinner at mann hann over in wilson. these may really sound very ordinary, but the thing is, it feels great to be part of somebody else's life, being let in on his routine, and just plain having fun over something as mundane as racing each other to look for a certain brand of toothpaste in the supermarket.

i wish i could do this with him every sunday, but i'm thinking it might take away the novelty. i wish,then, i could take my boyfriend shopping (to let him in on my routine), but i'm thinking it might test his patience. no, let me rephrase that. i KNOW it will wipe out every trace of patience he has in his body. i won't risk it...hehe

but seriously,

i think the simple, even ordinary moments that we share with our SOs make us more aware of the beauty that lies in being able to accomodate another person into our life, allowing that person to see the real us, accepting that while in a relationship there is a "you" and "me," there is still, as the movie title goes, the story of "us."

i may have seen a lot of things in my life sort of "fall into place" but none probably as naturally as this newfound "us."

here's a poem from the book:

take a lump of clay,
wet it, pat it,
make a statue of you
and a statue of me.
then shatter them, clatter them,
add some water,
and break them and mold them,
into a statue of you
and a statue of me.
then in mine, there are bits of you
and in you there are bits of me
nothing ever shall keep us apart.