okay: not the new over

in this day of hearts, i got a text message from one of my close college friends that sounded like i did way back in 2003. it was about getting over a heartbreak, apparently not yet being okay when you thought you were, and ultimately, just wondering, "when is this going to blow over, and when will genuine happiness be mine again?"

i've been warning my girl friends who are getting over someone that nothing can prepare them for the so-called battle ahead. one of them said she's had sleepless nights and bungled concentration at work where she's officemates with the guy, the other one is just plain getting through it one day at a time. the first one recently claimed as we were chatting that she was already okay and over the guy. mind you, this is the same girl who, back in the last week of december 2004, was unable to think straight, eat right, sleep well, the works, you know...so there we were, chatting away the facts that she had no regrets, no ill feelings, etc. it was good, i thought, and i was really happy for her to have recovered as quickly as her romance fizzled out. at the back of my mind, though, i was concerned that she might retract her claim to normalcy and go through the whole painful process again. i told her to be sure of what she was saying, and she said she was absolutely sure she was okay. she had a new guy, whose name is a funny mix of my exes'...hehe...ah....this is what i mean when i said, "it takes a new guy to forget the previous one..."

my second friend, the one who sent me a text, didn't have the luxury of having a new guy to help her cross from the i'm-not-over-him-yet phase to the i'm-finally-moving-on phase. she was still hurting inside, and frankly, i'm not surprised..although she did claim to be okay before. as i've said, talking to her about what happened, how she's dealing with it, is like talking to my old self, the one who didn't eat for a week (and lost 10lbs as a result), didn't read for Fr. David's class (which, as Ateneans know, is like suicide in the making), etc. now i know how i sounded like! pathetic in hindsight, but hey, during that time, i felt as if even winning the lottery wouldn't make me happy. if i could only strangle the guy she was with...oh well...it'd be like strangling my ex, too...hehe..that'd be fun...

anyway, when i was with our other college friends last saturday, i came to the conclusion that when a girl says she's okay, she probably is. but it doesn't follow that she's over him already. the term, "okay" most likely means she can get out of bed without dragging herself (although she might, but for some other reasons like work..hehe), or she can function "normally", whatever that means, or that she doesn't let the past consume her day. however, being over the guy is a totally different thing. it's the gray area in the world of breaking up. this friend i'm talking about is still haunted by the what if, the why, the how could this be questions that girls have to spend this lifetime and the next to talk about. it took awhile for me to come up with the right words, the kind that boost the spirit, but hey, i didn't go through it myself for nothing. i still keep with me a little notepad that friends of mine (these 2 girls included) gave me as a surprise when i was the one down in the dumps. aside from the fact that i'm thankful to have them as a support group, i'm even more thankful that we didn't get our hearts broken all at the same time! i cannot imagine what kind of a train wreck we'd all be with not one sane head..

getting over someone is indeed, a tricky thing. there's a song that runs through my head, "how can the same love that made me so happy/make me so sad/ i don't understand.." it pretty much sums up the confusion, the sadness, all the mixed emotions one has to experience in order to move forward. i don't know when my friend is going to claim, "i'm okay, and i'm over him" and mean it at the same time...it probably doesn't matter when. what does, is that she knows it isn't only a possiblity, but a reality that's just around the corner. i should know, i've been there..and if this is the cycle we have to go through to find our Mr. Right, i'm thinking he's going to be worth all the previous pains and hurts. that's something to look forward to, huh?