carrie wins!

yey! i'm glad carrie's the new american idol. boy, that girl can sing! and she seems so pleasant and sweet pa. if bo won, though, it would have been okay, too, since he's also one heck of a performer. in any case, both are equally deserving of being in the final two. best season ever of AI for me!

now i wish i had a great voice. not that i'd have the guts to sing in front of a lot of people. i just think it's a great thing if you can sing really, really well. and i don't mean the birit thing a lot of filipinos think is talent. eew.

at least even if my amazing race 7 bet (amber and rob) didn't win, my AI bet did! i've yet to pick a favorite in ANTM3, though...

joining the bandwagon

i'm happy to welcome some of my college friends to the world of blogging! not that i started this world, though. in fact, when i first came to learn about blogs in 2001 or was it 2002, i never thought i'd start one for myself. but when i got sooo bored in january 2005, it was the next best thing to start to save me before i died of boredom (if it could actually kill.)

when i was younger, i used to start journals but i never could keep the writing juices flowing because either i got bored or too tired to write. i'm not even sure how long i can keep this blog running, but in any case, i'll write when i feel like it.

i'm not really the type of person who'll jump at every opportunity to be 'in'. heck, i don't even have a friendster account. and this hi5 thing is something i'm not even interested in. remember the shawarma invasion several years back? i haven't, up to this day, eaten a shawarma. but blogging, fad or no fad, is a new interesting hobby that's grown on me. and i love to write, so i guess i've found quite a good match!

i'd love to think i can write and get paid for it!

coincidence?

i gave blogthings.com a rest and checked out lifepredictor.com instead. so i answered a few questions and i got the biggest shock of my internet surfing hour when i found out that my expected death date is august 18, 2062, giving me 20,906 days to live. what amazes me is that this site suggests that i'll die at 79 years young, the same age that the other site also said!

i don't believe any of those, though. i just had to get that out of my system, that's all. i'll stop now.

are you romantic or realistic?

okay, so i'm hooked to this blogthings.com. there's nothing wrong with that. in fact, it's so interesting i can't stop at one personality test. i took the 'are you romantic or realistic?' test and it turns out that i'm a realistic romantic. what does that mean? well, here's the analysis:

You are more romantic than 70% of the population.
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets. You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

well, i sure don't like cheezy lines but, as they say, i do sometimes crave for the cheeze!!!

which reminds me...this new star wars flick has some cheezy lines that can rival those from the 2nd installment. my boyfriend kept on repeating, "love story pala 'to e!" and i remember really laughing at some of the lines exchanged by the two lovebirds...oh, dear.

love poems and sunsets are good, although they remind me of brendan fraser's character in bedazzled. the sensitive guy who cries over sunsets? that was hilarious.

me, i love surprises (meaning, a man with a plan!) beats the typical flowers-chocolates routine, if you ask me. just don't surprise me with a dead cockroach (or worse, a live one) inside a shoe box. that's not romantic! that's just sick.

what's in a number?

i stumbled upon blogthings.com and got so hooked on all the quizzes that i just have to share what i learned about me...hehehe...forgive me, i'm not a student anymore, i can't have a free one-on-one session with a shrink a.k.a. the ateneo's guidance counselor. and besides, the quizzes were great personality tests!

so here's the significant numbers i got:

23 is the age i act

79 is the age i'll die, or so the quiz says...

34% is the chance i'll go to hell...

6 is the sum of my birthdate (1+5) and means i have the energy that will make me an excellent parent or teacher; very responsible and capable. it is also my love number.

73.33% is the part of my brain that's female, and 26.67% that's male

0% is the chance that i'll cheat on a boyfriend (ahem, i did not make this up)

hmmmm...

so i found out that i act a year older than my age. not bad, i guess. at least i don't act like i'm 18, although to be honest, i really don't know how different i am now from how i was 4 years ago. i can't even differentiate how it feels like to be 22 from how i felt as an 18-year old girl. jeez. i don't think i'm making any sense at all. i talked about this with ve, and i assure you, i sounded more convincing over the phone.

79. oh well. i've always wanted to die young. but hey, if i start my own family, this wouldn't be a bad age to die. i just hope my friends will still be alive to attend my funeral, though. it would be pretty sad to die last amongst your friends, don't you think so?

34% chance of going to hell. sheesh. so i die at 79, then have a 34% chance of going to hell? what is a 79-year old going to do there? oh, i'm only half as evil as my high school friends. maybe they'll welcome me 'home' (if they went before me)...hihihihi....then we'll party...LOL...

6. i knew it. i was destined to be an excellent mom...hihihi...it also said i can be an excellent teacher. i say pre-school teacher would be more like it. i just love love love kids! and with 6 as a love number, the analysis goes as: Who you fall in love with is all about who you trust.Loyalty is important to you, and you want the most faithful of lovers.In return, you never let your heart or eyes wander.Open and honest, your relationships tend to be free of secrets. 'Nuff said!

that thing about my brain's supposed gender? let's just say i'm relieved to find out that everything's just right in my anatomy. i mean, you really wouldn't be able to imagine how somebody can be so kikay yet thinks like a man, huh? that's just demented.

and lastly, i really didn't have to take a personality test to know that i always commit myself 100% to a relationship and not cheat!

typical boy, typical girl: a long postscript

during last saturday's dinner with the girls, one interesting issue we talked about was how boys only make telebabad when they're courting a girl. although this was brought up by a friend, i had my fair share of this enough to write about it. i do hope, though, that my friend's boyfriend doesn't read this entry or think i'm not referring to him. boys are dense anyway, so i'm taking the chance that he doesn't know he's become one of those boys.

so this friend of mine says her boyfriend doesn't want to talk on the phone for a long time anymore, whereas when he was still courting her, it really wasn't an issue at all. i remember how boys amazingly match my ability to stay on the phone for hours, even way into the wee hours of the morning. conversations were usually about anything and everything, with a couple of paramdams on the side. an ex-boyfriend of mine was, and still is, a health buff who takes sleep rather seriously. but when we were in the getting-to-know-you stage, he transformed into this night owl so much so that whenever i asked him if he was already getting sleepy, he'd be quick to say, "no! not at all" hahaha...as if!!! i knew on the inside he was probably doing all the self-talk he could to stay awake. ah....what boys do to impress their girls!!!

and that was how it all went throughout that stage. it's funny because whenever i told any of his friends how late we stayed up talking on the phone, they were beyond bewildered!!! they just couldn't believe it. i understood their bewilderment when we finally hooked up. it wasn't long until he began cutting short our conversations, even way before 11pm. i really wasn't bothered because i also had school at that time. but there was this instance wherein he slept the whole afternoon away (and i mean the whole afternoon) yet he still wanted to sleep at 10pm. i didn't think it was humanly possible to sleep the entire afternoon away and then actually be sleepy a few hours after. so the girl that i was, and still am, i kind of made a big deal out of that small thing. BIG mistake! he launched into this whole tirade about me making such a big fuss out of his sleeping habits. amazing. amazing because we broke up a few days after that. although i do think there was more to it than just about his sleeping habits...hehehehe

looking back, it was pretty funny (although i didn't think it was funny at that time). i thought it was just exclusive to me and my ex but hearing a friend of mine talk about her present situation, i'm beginning to realize that this might be more prevalent than i thought.

my sweetheart of a boyfriend now isn't really an exception to the rule or to this 'epidemic' (oh goodness, if and when he reads this, i'm in for a long discussion...hahahahaha) you see, back in december, when we were in our own getting-to-know-you stage, we'd spend hours on the phone, too. i remember one time, we even ended up talking way past 5am. and just recently, i was teasing him about a text message i got from him way back when we started dating that said, "text me if you're not yet sleepy." we ended up laughing about it because we both knew i wasn't going to get that ever again!!! i told him i should've saved it for posterity. i should've!

because just this night, he comes home at 10pm and i call him up at around 1030pm, hoping for a little talk before he goes to sleep, and what happens? his cordless is about to die on him, and he sounds to me so sleepy it's as if he's drunk. and this, my friends, is the 3rd day in a row i haven't seen him. i'm not going to see him tomorrow either because he's off to a dinner party which i'm not going to (i don't even want to go into why i'm not going). so in short, i get a little frustrated that time is not on our side, the stress is getting to him, blah blah blah...and now i end up a little weirded out because on one hand, i feel guilty about not being the sweet girlfriend that i usually am saying things like, "oh, i know you had a rough day at work...why don't you sleep na and i'll talk to you tom nalang...goodnight!" or something like that. on the other hand, i feel a little put out because i'm not going to see him tomorrow when i could have had that chance. so i ended up sounding suplada (although that wasn't really my intention, believe me) saying something like this, "edi you sleep na!" and he, in his sleepiness, grunts something that sounded like an uh-huh to me. so i said, "ok" and immediately hung up the phone. total time on the phone? 3 minutes. not the romantic little talk i was hoping for. but hey, it's better than no talk at all. i, for one, appreciate the effort.

so this whole thing about boys and telebabad, i think i've got it a little mapped out. if he's burning the phone lines with you, he could be one of two things: one, he's courting you, or two, he's gay.

you see, boys who are interested in you will do anything to get to know you. they will endure whatever it is that makes you happy like shopping (and by this i mean walking aimlessly in the mall without buying anything at all), and telebabad. so when you guys hook up and officially become a couple, he thinks he's got you figured out enough to save him from that dreaded telebabad. he's already secure that he has you to understand the quirks of being a guy involved in a relationship.

in my case, it has become pretty ironic. when a guy is making moves on me, i never miss my favorite show for a conversation with him. case in point: i was in the middle of a conversation with a guy when i looked at my clock which read 9pm. it was time for charmed. so i butt in, tell him i have to watch the show, and that if he still wants to talk, i'd be available in an hour. i wasn't about to budge. that is how full of conviction i am when i'm not even the least bit interested in a guy. but with my boyfriend right now, when he calls me up at night, and i'm watching a show i really like, i turn it off to talk to him. we don't stay up and talk the night away anymore, but i do want to give him my full attention.

moreover, i've come to realize that somehow, the tables have turned. for during the time that my boyfriend was pulling out all the stops to make his intentions known, he put off a lot of things such as gimiks with the barkada, badminton games, golf-watching, etc. now, he's back in the thick of things with his barkada, in full gear during badminton nights and gets enough time to watch golf. i, on the other hand, have turned down a few invitations from high school friends, from my mom, etc. to spend time with my man. isn't that interesting?

i'm not complaining, though. no, really. i'm not.

my bestfriend ve says the three of us (in our barkada, that is) are really like this. meaning, when we have boyfriends, everything else takes a back seat. and i mean, everything. healthy or not, that is what happens, or should i say, what we allow to happen. but hey, that's where our happiness thrives--to be with our men and to make them happy. they really become our first priority. so you can just imagine how miserable we are when things don't work out. miserable doesn't even do us justice.

but in any case, i understand where my friend is coming from. i think what matters here is to know where you stand in your man's life, to know your place. girls can't push their boyfriends to spend long hours on the phone. it just isn't how they are. as for me, i don't resent anything that has happened in this relationship of mine, not even the fact that we don't make telebabad as often as before or that we don't see each other as often as before. because i think, if i made such a big fuss out of all these, i'd be missing out on the stuff that really matters like how he still gives me a call from the office whenever time permits him to, or how he still manages to text me every night when he gets home even if he's very sleepy that he gets the spelling all mixed up.

women will always notice the difference in a guy's behavior because it's very easy to point out. what's difficult is for women to either get past it and make adjustments or say enough is enough.

i've noticed changes in my relationship with my boyfriend but i'm not complaining because i didn't expect this to be a perfect relationship to begin with. every day is a work in progress to reach that middle ground where the two of us are happy and satisfied. i don't feel like there's lesser love than before just because there's lesser attention. on the contrary, i feel that there's more love because there's more faith--he trusts that i can understand him given all his concerns, and i trust that he's made me a significant part of his life.

ours may be far from being a perfect relationship but whenever we spend time together and laugh about ourselves, or just about anything, make tampo then make up afterwards, i think to myself that i really couldn't ask for more. not even one lousy telebabad session.

superbowl get together

you know how girls get together and just never run out of stories to tell? well, after 5 months of not getting all 6 of us college friends in one dinner table, that was exactly what happened. i saw several people shoot us with annoyed what-the-hell-are-they-laughing-about looks but hey, i didn't care. hell, we didn't even notice that the place was almost deserted as we left!

i read somewhere that not having close friends is as dangerous to one's health as smoking. these 5 girls are my closest college friends, what with the long breaks in between classes, the grueling overnights for projects, the "chilling in the bench" (ala howie), the studying in the lib, and the pretending to study in the lib (we've all had taken naps in the lib, come on, admit it!)...i just love love these girls! of course, we've seen each other in our best and worst, in our most in love days and in our most miserable days (usually triggered by failed relationships or pathetic grades...hehe). in fact, i still have a bundle of notes written by these 5 women when i was heartbroken...now, i think i can actually pass it on to one of us. a full circle, i'd say.

of course, when we got together, we couldn't help but talk about the men in our lives--some about the men we didn't want in our lives, some about the men we still wonder why they even entered our lives!!! hahaha...but then again, i got to talk about the man who is, undeniably, the man i've always wanted to have in my life. not only that, i finally was able to introduce him to them before we called it a night. finally.

a year after college graduation, i often get nostalgic thinking about college life. and when you look back, it's not the grades you dwell on anymore, but the company of people that helped you get through the most boring or the most hell day in college. it's great to have great friends, great to get together as often as possible. i can't wait till the next rendezvous!

group pic! (dwen, ada, me, gaile, jelaine, and maan)

from young ones to young moms

it is a known fact among my close friends that my greatest fear is to not be able to have kids. i just love love love children that even the thought of not being able to have one is already daunting for me. as an only child, i've never wanted to have a kid sister or brother, though. nevertheless, i simply adored babies, and up to now, there is not a day in the mall that passes without me and my mom talking about babies/kids we find amusing.

this evening, ve and i talked about having kids in our 20's. our other bestfriend, ape, became a mom at 19 and i've to admit that motherhood has really become her--she's never been prettier, never been more grounded than she is now as a 22-year old mom to almost 3-year old mattie (or matt, as she prefers to call him.) ve said sometimes she forgets that ape is already a mom; i used to also but now there is no denying that the little one means the world to her, that he has changed her life in ways i can only imagine.

i told ve that while there are things in my life i still have to figure out, there is one thing i am sure of, and that is i want to start my own family. i think of the married life, being a mom, and everything about it, including all that is difficult, is beautiful to me. it amazes me to think of this capacity to rear children into the world, to have them mean everything to you, and for you to mean everything to them. i think it's beyond special to be given such a big responsibility of being a parent, of being a teacher, of having that capacity to raise kids. it blows me away to think of mini-me's and 10-pound versions of my man...hehe...i love it. being a wife, a mom, it just feels so right for me, like being comfortable in your own skin, knowing that that is who you're supposed to be.

of course, i am not yet all of these. i am not in a hurry, though. the thought of starting my own family doesn't excite me in the same way that a kid gets all hyped for a trip to the beach or something. it doesn't even sound right when i say 'excited' because now, to me, it feels more like a desire, a strong longing to have that fulfilled when everything is in its rightful place.