loss

At Gaile’s despedida, we learned of the infamous Nel-Tus breakup that’s now pretty much official. Here’s my promised blog entry for Nel.

Betrayal is a tricky thing. As my mom says, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” But as it is, things have a way of being discovered, and the long and painful process of getting over what was once the source of your happiness has to be faced.

There are lots of questions that come to mind when you first find out the truth. You can ask, “Why?” or “How could you?” but the answers will never be a source of comfort (at least not for me). I’ve even realized that the more you find out, the more painful it becomes, and the more insignificant the relationship seems. It’s like when you become privy to the details of the how’s and the when’s, and even the why’s, everything that comes prior to the realization becomes sort of a big lie.

We fall in love and begin to look forward to a future together. We believe in the talk of marriage, of love that’s never been felt before, of being the love of his life, or simply, of forever. I look at all these and wonder if they’re more detrimental than romantic or necessary to a relationship that you nurture and value. What becomes of a relationship when you don’t look forward, anyway? I think that what’s essential is to believe in the possibility of forever, of a life together. The possibility. Ultimately because nothing is certain. Not even when the two of you are in love.

It’s painful to build your everyday on an expectation and find out that it’s not going to happen. Not in the near future anyway, and not as snag-free as you’d have preferred. But that which hurts us can only make us stronger, as they say. And I truly, truly believe this. Maybe he really does love you, and maybe it was really a mistake (a big, and costly one, may I add), what with men being capable of separating love from sex. But the thing is, there’s a price to pay for every action one commits. We cannot romanticize the act of coming clean when there’s too much pain inflicted.

You said something about forgiveness, and I thought it was too early for that. It was because I have my own definition of forgiveness. Personally, it’s the ability to tell yourself that you won’t let the past hurt you anymore. Nobody’s rushing you to do anything, anyway. I say, give yourself time to grieve, however long it should take. And when you’re over this, there should be no looking back. Let yourself move forward along with whatever it is you’ve taken from all of this.

I thought I’d have more to say but I guess I’ll stop here first. And for god’s sake, stop reading the girl’s blog!